.NjI.MjExNDY

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N.Y. Feb 1 - 1866

My Amiable friend:  At least
allow that name to be used,
notwithstanding ugly scars.
A that scar has bothered me
much - Can you pardon for
it - & when you look at it
pray let the more pleasant
moments of the past fall
there.  Would to God that I
might see you - Miss Marga-
retta - Miss Rebecca & all of
those who so kindly smoothed
the pillows of the suffering &
dying soldiers of our dear
old army!  As it were I
awaken in fright very often
from the terrible dream of
last spring - Indeed
to this ^hour I am hardly convinced.

Of late my spirits have
been borne to the earth
pondering over the past -
thinking what might
have been - & groaning
in bitterness of spirit lest
I have neglected many
many duties.  How hard
I try to say “forgive us our
tresspasses, as we for ---------”?
God forgive me I know I
sin.  All have retired
& I am alone - My light is going out
The last words were written in
the dark - when I too was com
pelled to retire.
   I am very sorry you are
unwilling to have me keep
your photograph - for I am
anxious to have yours as well
as those others who gave their kind
smiles & precious hours to the
last of the suffering soldiers
of the South.  Your picture
would have been sent earlier, but
when Miss Rebecca told me that
you wanted it - a young Southern
artist had it, coloring in oil
for me - I have gotten it back -
the eyes are not touched as yet -
but as you must have it -
here, take it - but wont you relent
& let me have another some time?
for truly it is prized!
If you have an opportunity
show the picture to Mr. [Minnis]
& tell him that it is a specimen
of the style of the young person,
although not quite finished - &
I know will be right glad to
get anything of the kind to do
from him - or any one.
Are there any of the soldiers

Left in R-----?  Many things
have arisen here to make me
sad & more - but nothing
has provoked me much more
than finding several medical
students, who are pretending,
to be confederates - as nothing
more than deserters -.
In a lecture, or [eulogism] - on
the late Dr. Valentine Mott that
I attended last evening - the lecturer - said with
evident pride - that the vast ma-
jority of students at the college
where Dr. Mott was professor before
the War - came from South of
the Potomac.
Speaking with a young replublican
one evening - I remarked - that as
the negroes had been compelled
to fight for them I supposed that
they would feel compelled to allow
them to vote - He [not] knowing all
of my sentiments - & faith - answered
“You see the Catholics are about
to over whelm us - & the negroes
are all protestants - & their vote
will help us to crush out the Cath-
olic power.”?    From this you
may judge what is the new scent
that the hounds of persecution are
upon.      As for me, I have met
with a few persons who have been
more than kind - never whispering
one word of the past - & truly such
men are not responsible for
the past.  The people here will
not believe how much harm the
Freedmans bureau is doing in the way
of irritating & making the old wounds
more painful than before.  God have
mercy upon us - & teach us that divine
virtue - to forgive.  A I am very bad.
Remember me to friends - If you will -
[honor] [me] - direct to J.R.W care of Dr. James R.
Wood - 80 Irving Place N.Y
        Very sincerely, JRW