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be built up new and better. It was with reluctance, however, in the Prospect of that Ruin, with extreme Reluctance particularly as far as it might affect the personal Interest of the King (For whom I had long felt personal Acknowledgement and long conceived great personal Regard) It was with very painfull Reluctance in these views that I consider'd that prospect. And tho' even thro' all that Reluctance I wish'd it nearer, Yet I occupied myself rather with collecting Materials to rebuild, than in furnishing Instruments to pull down, what I did believe must fall of itself, and Therefore without endeavouring to embarrass the Measures of Government. I laid open their Inefficiency symbol without even the Insinuation of any personal Reflection, I laid open the rottenness of the Publick situation, I suggested no Remedy for I knew of none. But in a desperate Case, I thought it fit at least, that the Danger should be known, I espoused no Party, I disclaim'd none. I called upon all to examine His publick Distress, and to unite to retrieve their Country, by whatever Means it could be retrieved upon whatever Foundation.~

I saw however myself but very little light in This, if I saw any, and even that Glimmering after a time seem'd extinguish'd. My Mind, I own was oppressed with all this, with many Things which I had seen, and with the Despair of seeing anything I wish'd to see, my Health too was considerably impair'd, and I therefore ^ addition took /addition my Resolution to leave my Country, since I found myself unsuccessfull in it, and Unhappy after having in various ways unsuccessfully labour'd, or try'd at least to serve my Country for above Seventeen years.~

Both the State of my Mind, and that of my Health too were at that time in such a Situation, that I told myself I might possibly never Return to England again. I considered

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